8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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