I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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