You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
