When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
