Apparently you make a good broom.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
