Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
