That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
