i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i think my cat just said my name.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
