I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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