My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
