i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
