She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
