my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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