My liver just broke up with me...
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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