I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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