I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
4 words: hood of his car
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
