I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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