It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize