Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
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I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
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His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!