I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life