i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
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i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
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Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.