I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.