I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.