So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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