He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
