I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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