My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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