Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
