apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
People in love make me want to vomit
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize