Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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