p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
