Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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