white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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