home. puking in laundry basket.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
