a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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