I showed him my bush... on skype.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I smell like Dick and happiness
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
