Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
