please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
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So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
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After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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