Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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