This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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