So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
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he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
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I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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