Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
