the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
