I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
