He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize