last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
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There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
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Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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