its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
