im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
