matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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