think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
