I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
