what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
