i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
