he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
