even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
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