You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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