the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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