i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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