He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
