You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
