I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
