Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
nutella sex= disaster
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
